How many 21 year old girls does it take...

to break a vibrator?

The short answer? 3... and one to watch...

But you don't want the short story do you? Thats no fun! Please, allow me to explain...

Its the night of my 21st birthday party. As per tradition, the school girls have come to mine for a sleepover and ceremoneous 'opening of the presents.' I am about to open the last part of the girls present, one which, I might add they are very excited about... which makes me suspicious... so I take a look at it and notice the shape its wrapped up in... and I look at them... and I look back at the present... and I look back at them... and they giggle - hysterically... and I know, I just know, what's inside...

For some unknown reason...

(you know, it can't have anything to do with the fact that for my 17th birthday party I filled a pass the parcel up with various forms of contraceptive devices culminating with a box of condoms and matching carrots - bannana's were too expensive at the time due to a hurricane in Queensland that summer - toeducate my friends on their options... or the fact that I am caught on a seeminly regular basis in somewhat 'sticky' situations that although mortifying to me at the time, provide much ammusement to my friends on the retelling - if you have no idea what i am talking about read here and here or or here  or here  or well there is plenty more where they came from... but do me a favour and don't [I am only just starting to realise how truely hopeless I am] ;) - no... it can't have anything to do with all of that :-P )

For some unknown reason, these friends of mine decided that my 21st birthday would be perfect excuse for them to enter an 'adult store' and buy me a vibrator... LOL!

Unfortunately though, it was a mere 6 hours before we managed to break it... which may or may not have something to do with the fact that when provoked (although I don't recall by what exactly) I threw my new toy at Eddy shouting "Oh, go think of *insert name of ex boy-toy here*" (hehehe)

I mean, how was I to forsee that this teeny-tiny action would cause her to launch herself at me in rage, starting a grapple/pillow fight that would do many a boys fantasy proud (you see this is why I don't let MTV turn me into a reality TV show... they keep asking and I keep saying no ;-P)... they are stereotypes for a reason right?... I mean really... how was I to know? its not like I'm psychic!

Anyway, we all got involved and in the process lost my toy... by the time it was once again unearthed... it had been broken :-(

I hadn't even had a chance to take it for a test drive yet! :'(

So of course I HAD to go out and buy myself a new one that day (hey! my friends can't be allowed to shop in adult stores without me!)

Want to know what happened next?...

Oh come on... you know you do... ;-)

hmmm... I'll tel you later...

Much love
D.

The 21st Speech that never was...

WoooooooHoooooooooo!!!!! :-D

As if you haven't already worked this out... there are two basic times when I post:

1. When I am procrastinating; avoiding study/assignments/some other horrible uni related thing, and;
2. When I am celebrating! (Usually the submission/completion of said assignment/exam or some other notable life event)

Todays post happens to be the latter, I've just finished an essay exploring the nature of freedom and control in organisations through an understanding of the ways in which employees bodies are managed (don't have a clue what I'm talking about? Well that makes 2 of us) :-D, which means that, yes, I am in fact wearing this cheesy grin on my face as I type... It'll hurt tomorrow but its worth it now :-D

Anyway, as some of you may know, last Saturday was the day of my 21st birthday party. It was a great evening with all my closest family and friends and one which I plan to post about in more detail at a later date (read when I have had a chance to look at and edit my party photo's... which if mum had her way wont be until after I clean up my room, bathroom and presents that are still taking up most of the public areas of the house 4 days later...). But for now I would like to have a little debrief... I think thats what I mean...

You see on this day, the day that was my 21st birthday party, life handed me a test, it was a sneaky subtle one that I didn't see until the time had long passed... and unfortunately I feel that in it I failed. The good thing is that I wasn't the only one that failed... we do these things as a family sometimes ;-). 

But I am evading the issue here... lets get down to business...

What happened was throughout the stress of the day, dad - aka Morpheus - asked me if I really wanted him to make a speech because mum (who I will now introduce as Demeter as I have finally found a name worthy of the woman she is) was already writing one herself. It was a subtle reference to my earlier request that he do everything he could to make mum happy on this day because that is what would allow me to enjoy it ore thoroughly. 

My response was basically a brush off "yeah sure whatever I don't mind, just do what you want"- thats the thing about hindsight... things always look slightly different... I didn't mean it in that way at all, my response was an attempt at keeping the peace and allowing the day to flow as smoothly as possible. It wasn't until later that I realised the true magnitude of that tiny seemingly insignificant exchange and understood that in a way what dad was really trying to do was ask my permission to say something publicly about the person he believes I have become, only he did it in a manner that allowed me to say no if I didn't feel his perspective to be important enough. This became especially significant to me sometime Sunday morning (well thats when I think I figured out what that slightly wrong feeling in my gut meant anyway) when I realised that not only had I cheated myself but I had robbed my dad of one of his own rights of passage in life, that of saying a speech at his first daughters 21st - and this above all else made me sad. 

What I am trying to say here I guess is that there are few times in life where it is really important to fight, when fighting for something, like say a speech, stops being about the fight or stopping 'the flow' and more about symbolism - fighting is the symbolic battle to prove to another person that they are important to you, that you love and value them. 

Dad, subsequently sent me an e-mail with the speech he never said, but these things are supposed to be published and so I present it here to you. I hope that by doing this I do not cheapen its message or those speeches that were said on the night. I love and appreciate them all, and hope you will too...

Darcy – the 21^st speech that never was.

This speech I suppose was intended to be in the front of all your family and friends as a sign of how much I love you and a chance to publically voice how incredibly dear you are to me.

My predilection to avoid conflict and allow others to shine works against me at times – unfortunately I think you have also adopted this trait.

Any rate here we go............

I first introduced you to the world at your christening – little did we know how your critical mind would unravel the various paradoxes of the church and use it to your advantage with a great trip overseas to GER – MA- Ne-Y for world youth day twenty years later.

That speech was punctuated with one particular idea:

“Having Darcy has certainly changed my life”

(At the time my greatest fear was getting up in front of people and making a speech – I suppose that’s why  I wanted you to have this skill from an early age so it would not become a problem for you.)

Well the nerves got the best of me and I must have repeated this line at least 5-10 times. In retrospect I was rehearsing to be a teacher to year 7’s – ‘put those pens down and eyes to the front!!!’

It really works because the audience were nearly reciting the words back to me at the end.

But those words obviously had a deeper meaning because before this time I only had one true love i.e. Demeter – now I was overwhelmed with you – I had fallen in love again – and this obviously makes me silly and in awe of the responsibility ahead.

You were the most beautiful addition to my life. The feeling you get when you hold your warm cuddly child in your arms is indescribable, contentment – awe – responsibility – caring – love.

I remember when your mum and I walked out of the hospital with you for the first time.

I was thinking ‘Do they know what they have done!’

We have no idea how to look after babies – we have had no training – how can we get such a special gift without a guarantee!!!

I am sure they have made a mistake and it will not be too long before they return and take you back.

But after 21 years I still feel so lucky that they let us keep you and we are just carrying you for a short period of time before you can walk by yourself.

Your first day at school was my first lesson in understanding your psyche. I had decided to take a new route to school - your rebuke to me was at first timid so I just ignored you – that was my first mistake – ignore Darcy at your peril!! A tantrum was to follow from which I have always learned.

Darcy is always right.

 “Just try this new soup Darcy”

“No, I do not like soups “saying with a conviction as if she has tried all know soups and has found them wanting.

“Have you tried a soup before?”

“No”

“Then how do you know”

“I just know!!”

No empirical evidence required for Darcy – I think this is why she dropped science at Uni – It was just a waste of time doing all those practicals when she knew the answer  anyway!

It also confirms to me that past lives do exist and Darcy has lived before – 

Why do it a second time!

 Darcy is always right!!

But this can change if she really wants to learn something new – especially to avoid some pertinent assignment.

It is amazing how many books, DVD’s series she can devoir – what concentration powers.

‘Nora Jones is playing again’ – don’t tell me she is cleaning her room – what is being avoided this time HSC studying.

It will all change when she gets to Uni!

How can you get such good marks without doing any study?  Your mother and especially me had to work really hard for our marks.

But little did we know you were always balancing effort over reward. Keeping sane is always more important than great marks.

This attitude has also trickled down into your working life.

You have a great capacity to work as -(insert accounting firm here)- has recognised but you have this wise outlook which enables you to look beyond the immediate.

One aspect of you Darcy that I love is that you CARE.

You care about your friends and you care about us.

Many times at home you have unselfishly put forward a plan to help solve a problem.

Thank you!

Lastly thanks for being a friend to me and all present.

There is nothing more that I enjoy than going out with you and just being in your company - this is a bonus to me – I enjoy your mind, individuality and courage.

Everyone here should count themselves lucky because you have been invited into a rare group from which Darcy will always be there for you.

“Has Darcy Changed our lives?”

Oh Yes and we are continually being amazed and inspired by the results!

Everyone be upstanding for our lovely daughter

DARCY!

A football game and a few stories...

So its my birthday on Saturday... although I keep accidentally convincing myself that its actually tomorrow due to the fact that thats when I'll be having my family dinner as there won't be time on Saturday between work education courses (mum), amateur musical performances (Ariel) and 2 other 21st parties that I'll be attending for various friends. 

So to celebrate, or well really just because I wanted to write something I thought I'd share a few short stories from last weekend mixed with some photo's (taken on my phone so i apologise for the quality) at the footy with Eddy and A (aka the guy who laughs at me at work when I get myself into sticky situations and therefore will not get any sympathy from me :-P). They're all loosely related so bear with me...

Don't worry "To violence against women, Australia says no"... but it never said anything about violence against men... this is just your normal scene btw the three of us (Eddy bashing A as I take photo's that is)

#1: - At the beginning of the year Eddy and a guy she had been seeing stopped, well 'seeing'... unfortunately however... well her dad had already fallen in love and so it was Friday evening when she popped up online and relayed to me a conversation she had just had with her dad (which I will now share with you :-D)

E dad:  So when's M coming back?

E:  *weird face, like we have been over this dad* He's not. 

E dad:  Oh, well I think the two of you should get back together

E:  Were just friends! 

(editors note... I'm not 100% sure about this statement yet... only time will tell)

E dad:  Oh, *sad face* I liked him, he was meant to watch the football with me this weekend (souths v eagles... E dad = Souths/bunnies, M = Eagles)

Random field shot with completely blown out highlights and little ants as players... meh what can you do?

This whole setting Eddy up seems to be an ongoing theme with her dad... no I really think he is trying to pimp her out... I wouldn't be surprised if she had an RSVP account floating out there somewhere that he updates... He'd prefer the most recent ex (as per story #1) but honestly anyone with a y chromosome would do...

I think this is when Eddy was celebrating a try by the Eagles as A tried in vain to stop her barracking for 'the other side'... note her carefully constructed neutral clothing choices juxtaposed against his christmas tree Bunnies jersey...

#2: - Saturday morning...

E dad: What did u do last night?

E: Went dancing 

E dad: Who'd u dance with

E: *Shrugs* with friends

E dad: Did u get picked up?

E: No

E dad: What were u? At a gay bar???!

Wait! Do that again! I missed it :-( anf you looked kinda funny lol ;-)

Okay, so maybe the story isn't quite as funny when I tell it... if you knew him you'd laugh :-P... maybe... anyway the last story I now realise has absolutely nothing to do with the other two but it is about me and my birthday... I think... and lets face it, this blog is all about me :-P so here I go...

Thats better, I got it this time! :-D... Damnit! I think that means the bunnies scored.... grrr.... 

#3:

Eddy and I were having a nice little conversation online tonight when all of a sudden my phone starts singing...

"Colours of the world, spice up your life! 

Every boy and every girl, spice up your life!

People of the world, spice up your life! 

Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!...." 

You get the picture right? okay I'll spell it out for you... Spice up your life by the Spice Girls. Which just so happens to be Eddy's personalised ring tone on my phone (long story, had to do with a car journey home from another footy game years ago which we decided to devote to Spice girls... and Avril Lavigne... moving on!)

Why?... Oh never mind I'll just answer it.

Hello?...

Hi!!!! *really high pitched Eddy voice.... slow motion too...* Is your mum there?

Eddy, why did you call my mobile when you wanted to talk to my mum? Last I checked you do have her number (and why did you call at all when we were talking online?)...

I thought I was calling your mum 

*bahahhahahahahahahahahahahah lol opps lol* Okay *phone hangs up*

15 seconds later...

*mums phone rings... and she suspiciously walks out of the room and my hearing range... whilst tempted to eves drop I resist the urge and stay putt... instead spamming my previous msn conversation with Eddy knowing full well that she has walked away from her computer and will come back later to a whole host of random text...*

Another random shot... this time with a team flag! :-P

THE END

Much love

D.

P.S. the Bunnies lost... A cried... Eddy and I laughed... and hi-5'd... and there may have been a victory dance in there somewhere... We promptly downloaded the Eagles victory song and proceeded to play at full volume on the way home... Twice! 

I should probably note here that A was in fact kind enough to give us free tickets to the game, he also drove us to there and home, and that he is an avid bunnies fan. 

The fact that Eddy and I normally wouldn't cheer for either of these teams but decided to back the Eagles mainly in an attempt to ruffle A's feathers - well fur really because I don't believe that bunnies have feathers - is probably also well worth mentioning... And so, playing the opposing teams victory song at full volume in A's brand new car (car doesn't really describe what this thing is.... its HUGE! A truck!) as he drove us home was probably a little bit of overkill... 

however it was fully deserved! As we had been threatened with the opposite had the games result been different! All's fair...