OMG, so so so embarrasing... no i mean it

Okay, so we all know that I work at a news agency. Whilst at work there are certain times in the day when there is quite literally nothing to do... nothing! So what do we do? Well we read magazines of course!

Now whilst in the beginning I avoided even standing in front of them, it was only a matter of about 6 months before I started to be curious about what exactly it is that they write in men's mags (not the restricted ones with the piece of white paper strategically covering the front cover - its pretty obvious what their about - but the other ones like FHM, Zoo, and Ralph), I mean I know what they put in girls mags like Cosmopolitan and Cleo... is there any comparison? Don't deny it! You know you've thought about it - we have all seen the adds on TV and headlines but whats really IN them?... Okay so your not at all curious? Its just me? Really? Oh well... I was curious anyway.

So, one day Saturday, just a few weeks ago, under the strict supervision of the one known as Sunnyboy, I decided to relieve myself of the growing burden that was my curiosity, and find out just what it is that they have in there. I of course was sure that it would all just be exactly like the front cover, pictures of women pasted all over the place with their oiled up skin and breasts almost bursting out of their teeny tiny bikini's - but I had been assured otherwise - and do you know what I discovered?... I'm sure you'll be pretty amazed by this... I found that while, yes, as was to be expected, there were a few pages of women and teeny tiny bikini's... well the rest of the mag was pretty low key - in fact, I'd go as far as to say that there is less sex in any one of these aforementioned men's mags than there is in the woman's ones, because lets face it, Cosmo and Cleo are really just women's sex mags (with pics of barely clothed hot men and all) with a few bits of fashion thrown in here and there to make it all seem respectable.

But, anyway, as always I am getting off topic, well kind of. So have I held the suspense for long enough? Are you dying to find out what it is that was just soooooo embarrassing for me today? Well too bad if you are not because I've run out of fillers. So here's what happened... I'll just blurt it out a quickly as possible shall I?...

Today was a particularly slow day at work, so of course it was a mag day. Only one problem with that theory... I have already read them all. Great. What do I do know? Well, I decided to clean the place up a bit, sort out the mags, straighten them up, you know that sort of thing. Then, I came across FHM, and on the cover in big bold letters was a headline to the effect of "How to convince your partner to partake in a Threesome"... WTF?!?!?! How the hell do they think they are going to do that?!?!?! So of course, being the curious creature that I am, and having recently overcome my complete aversion to such mags, I decided to find out the type of techniques my future lover is being taught to implement in order to convince me that I would like to partake in a threesome...

So I take the mag down from the shelf, open it to the page in question, double check that there is no incriminating stuff on the opposite page, and proceed to take it back to my seat at the front of the store. Mistake 1! (For the record, Sunnyboy was equally curious although I suspect his was a much less wholesome curiosity than my own...)

As I am sitting there, minding my own business, a man approaches... normally this would be a non issue - Hi how are you? Just the Daily Telegraph today? That will be $1.60. Thanks! Have a nice day! - and they're off. But... apparent;y my luck for today had already run out, either that or I was being punished for something or other that I did in a past life... He decided to ask what news I was reading - umm, err, nothing much! *insert sweet angelic smile and a halo for good fortune* - I thought I had gotten away with it... Oh no, not so fast girly, as I finished processing his transaction he decided to remark on the fact that it looked like a sports magazine and - since apparently it is uncommon for a woman to be interested in reading sports mags - he decided to ask which one it was... BUSTED!!! I didn't think there was much point trying to get out of that one so I simply closed the mag so he could read for himself, smiled, and hoped that he would be embarrassed enough to simply smile back or avert eye contact and leave... no such luck... hmmm I really need to work on my diversion tactics.

Now I would like to point out at this point, that thankfully this man was not particularly old, not exactly in my age bracket but I'd say about mid to early thirties? Which of course means nothing because when we were all lining up for our share in the ability to guess ages, well lets just say that I must have been otherwise distracted - probably by the donuts or chocolate or show bags or whatever - the point here being that he was not one of those sleazy old guys that simply put makes me want to run to the hills and scrub myself until my skin turns lobster red just to feel clean again. Which made what was about to happen slightly more bearable...marginally... microscopically, maybe (actually I was still mortified). How is it that I always manage to get myself into these situations??? I mean last week it was - No, actually, I'm not going to tell you that - and this week its... well you'll get the picture soon...

In case you haven't already guessed, he didn't decide to pick up and go, leaving me to try and pick up the microscopic pieces of my dignity that were remaining on the floor, no, he decided to stay and chat...

To be quite honest, everything from here on in is quite a blur - I seem to have a talent for repressing embarrassing memories - I believe he said something along the lines of 'its good to see a girl reading that mag' or' its unusual for a girl to read that sort of mag' or something and then I responded with God only knows what, maybe something along the lines of 'I was just curious about the article - you know - just to see these things from the male perspective' or the like, because we somehow we got to the point where he knew what the article was about *horror* and noted that it was actually written by a woman, to which I think I said, 'Well maybe its true for SOME women' hoping to imply that it wouldn't work for me.

During this period, I should mention that there is a lot of blushing going on on my behalf (but not his) which was at least amusing to sunnyboy - who was quite enjoying watching me digging my way to China- if not for this other man also.

And then! To top it all off, we must have gotten onto the topic of 'those' mags or something, and their content, who knows, maybe I was just trying to justify the fact that I was reading one of them but I seem to recall... vaguely... its all a bit cloudy down there... I wouldn't hold me at my word... saying something along the lines of 'yea well I was actually surprised, there is a lot less sex in these mags then there are in Cosmo and Cleo' *OMG yes I do recall that clearly, I said the 's' word to, and was having a discussion that to be frank was really skirting around the whole 's' issue with a complete and total stranger!!!!! Once again I ask you... how the F#%K to I get myself into these messes????

Anywho, he eventually left the shop, which allowed me to die in my little/big hole, before remembering that I was supposed to be at work, at which point I dutifully revived myself and caught the earliest Flying Red Kangaroo back home to Oz. And the rest as they say, is history.

That's all folks!
Hope you enjoyed it. :-P Leave me a comment if you did ;-D I love comments.
D.

P.S. In case you were wondering, I came to the conclusion, after reading the article that got me into this whole mess in the first place, that, the way in which my future lover would try to get me to agree to a threesome, is by making me believe it was all my idea in the first place, and not seeming too eager (because then I might get the feeling that its only really so he can cheat on me with my permission)... its not rocket science really... in fact i think its just common sense... but maybe that's the double X chromosome in me talking... ta ta