I hope this makes you laugh :-P… warning… do not read whilst eating…

Okay so this morning I was sitting in my Cost management systems lecture (oh yea it was riveting I tell you) everything was fine, I was playing tetris, looking at new pictures on Flickr, checking my phone to discover that none of you love me because I am not worth the 25c that it costs to write me a text ☹, imagining what super power I would love to get me outta here… I swear there was something that I was forgetting to do… anyway all was good.

Only it wasn’t, something just wasn’t right, something was dawning on me… oh no… I think I need to go to the bathroom – and not for an innocent tinkle either – no, I needed to use the bathroom for a much more sinister reason…

So there I am, sitting in my lecture, in the middle of the row and about 10 rows from the front, trapped with one whole hour to go and no way of a quiet escape… SHIT!!! (Excuse the pun)

The first few minutes were okay… I could handle this, I’ll make it through but time seemed to be starting to slow… before I knew it I was bouncing up and down on my seat like a lunatic trying to distract myself from the urgent bowel movements that my body was trying to engage.

By the time we were dismissed any attention I had been paying to the actual content of the lecture had GONE completely! (ahh that’s what I had forgotten to do :-P) Please let me make it… oh please please please!!! Don’t let me be that girl… Oh God I can’t even think about it.

I rushed to the bathrooms ploughing through the scrum of people meandering on their way out as if they had no better place to be * well I do so get out of my way now!!!!!* Omph, ahhh! Crash, splat… oops didn’t mean to do that…

I make it to that beautiful door, you know the one, it looked to me like the gates to heaven, my thoroughfare to redemption, my release!

Amazingly there was no line, I had my choice of throne! Of course I wasn’t thinking about that at the time I just ran into the first one I saw. Ahhhh!! That’s better, release… ;-P

The world was right again… how could it be that just a few moments ago I could not fathom ever feeling sane again? *Dreamy smile* (Don’t deny it I know you’ve felt that way before – you just don’t like to admit it and publish the fact on the world wide web where anyone can read it… Oh God what have I done??? Eek!)

Its time to go, so I turn to my right and – no, that can’t be right… surely… omg no… no seriously… what did I do in a past life to deserve this?... Am I really that bad a person?... NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

WHERE DID ALL THE TOILET PAPER GO?!?!?!?!! THERE IS NONE LEFT!!!!!
Oh the terror, the shame! WTF do I do know. So I sit there… considering my options (oh don’t laugh at me… its not funny… I mean it… its not like I’m the first person this had ever happened to!... I think…).

And then I sit there… waiting… hoping that the after lecture rush leaves soon so that I can save my dignity… oh this is not going to be fun.

Its quiet… finally… right here goes… get-up, pick up things, everything covered? Right onwards and upwards. I open the cubicle door (no longer feeling like I’m in heaven I must be in hell) damn it! Theres someone there… ahh well nothing for it… I don’t want to look like a fool… was hands... still washing hands…. Still washing hands… girl did you forget to apply you make-up this morning?! Whats taking so long!!! There she’s gone… New cubicle!

And a few minutes later my its over, the whole ordeal is behind me and I’m moving on… thank you all for being my therapists… I hope you are not scarred for life.

Goodbye for now… until next time ☺

(NOTE: not all specific details in this post are historically accurate… l0l… hope you had fun – I know I have a warped sense of humour)