The problem

For the past week I have had this thing hanging over me, you know one of those big dark heavy clouds that sits right above your(?)/my(?)/our(?) forehead, not far enough back that it can be ignored and not so far forward that its all I can see, but just there in that spot where it is annoyingly distracting and forever cumbersome.

The issue I suppose is that I didn’t really know what the issue was, just that something was not right and needed addressing for my sanity (just to understand the issues even if I have no way of solving them).

Anyway, eventually, well about Thursday actually, I though I had it all figured out… its Investment Analysis (a subject that is currently a pain in my ass at uni), no its my Finance sub-major (the reason I am forced to take investment analysis in the first place)… yes they are the issues… and if I could just get rid of them, then all of my worldly problems shall be solved…

But my storm cloud was/is still there, and I didn’t know what but there was something bigger that was/is bugging me and has been for almost three years now… and the most annoying part of all this is that someone stole the words right out of my head... Paul Sheehan of the Sydney Morning Herald is the reason that I couldn’t find the words to vocalize these feelings that have been festering within me (ok so remind me not to get to graphical in my metaphors because I have a feeling it could get ugly) because he stole the words from my mind and published them in yesterday’s paper.

Here is the link for those who wish to have any clue as to what I am talking about: http://www.smh.com.au/national/loneliness-of-the-university-liberal-20090911-fkqc.html (if it no longer works as you read this and you really are desperately in need of this knowledge then let me know and I’ll send you a copy)

And on a side note I would like to warn anyone who is still reading this (and congratulations because if I haven’t confused you yet then it’s a miracle) that what you are about to read is some very raw material – much like most of the stuff I write here – that I have typed up and pressed publish without a second thought i.e. before I have the chance to get embarrassed and delete. It is NOT a fully formed argument and hasn’t even been researched in any depth whatsoever but comes from my experiences and perceptions of the world around me…. That being said I’ll do my darndest not to sound like you’re A-typical disillusioned uni student… and, now that I have a tub of ice-cream in my hands (cookies and cream connoisseur woo-hoo!!!) because lets face it, even though I haven’t been able to think of anything else since I read this article (yes I’m just a tad i.e. very obsessive like that), I still need some fuel to get those creative juices flowing… let us continue…

Okay so obviously (or not so obviously as I have not yet expanded on what exactly I am saying here) my issue is not with the politicized left or right wing nature of the content being taught at uni… I mean I could write a whole essay on my frustration with Australian politics and the fact that as an intelligent young Australian woman with the right to vote, and even with my best efforts to understand and make informed decisions about the people and their policies and beliefs that we elect to help shape Australia into a country we/I could be proud of in the future… well I STILL know more about American politics and policies than I do our own… but I don’t vote in the USA I vote here – so what use is that to me!!!!

No, what resonated with me was the underlying argument behind the article, that “theory-dominated universities are divorced from practical realities” and the presence of an “ideological bias of the faculty, and the subtle pressure to conform”

What I have found in my last 2.5 years of university life is that there is a serious expectations gap between what I believed university study would be and this cold harsh reality.

I don’t know what I expected from uni really, well yes I do although I also realized it was slightly impractical (teachers and students sitting in semi circles on desks and chairs discussing what they had learnt in lectures, reading etc, feeling free to have opinions and share their points of view and having these challenged in a relatively safe and non judgmental environment so the group as a whole could form their own overall pictures)

In other words, I wanted an escape from school where a syllabus was shoved down my throat and I could have opinions of my own only as long as I didn’t expect to get any marks or be taken seriously for these opinions in my final essay  (okay, okay yes I still have a few issues with English, leave me alone, they will take years and years of therapy to fix but I’m trying to move on with my life)

I thought that after 13 years of being told what is true and correct, right and wrong, that I would finally be taught or at least encouraged to think for myself. To make assertions, test hypothesis, discuss, debate and critically analyse. To forge the tools that would enable me to be able to better evaluate the goings on around me. That I would find myself in a place filled with a cosmopolitans bunch of people intent on learning, discussing and challenging their preconceptions, where an open mind was an asset and not something to be frowned upon and thrust aside just to get the marks required to pass (okay I’m pretty sure I just said the same thing about 3 times, well hopefully it gives you an idea of the over all thoughts cycling, zigzagging and just plain creating havoc in my head).

But what I got was a million miles from anything I ever expected, instead of being different to school it is worse, with so much content jam packed into the syllabus there is barely enough time in the week to do all the readings, homework questions and to work through the answers in tutorials.

In order to be able to work effectively in an increasingly knowledge driven society I feel like I need to have the ability to deconstruct or construct and argument and follow a line of reasoning to get to a conclusion. The conclusion doesn’t matter, or I don’t think it should matter, not for now anyway. Any dim witted person with half a brain can wrote learn some of the crap (sorry I’m getting a little angry here, and using sweeping generalizations without backing them up with real examples… well that’s my prerogative for now ok!) that I’m being taught, and most of it feels like the type of stuff I could easily learn and comprehend on the job and if I had wanted that then I wouldn’t have bothered wasting 3 years of my life paying for study whilst earning very little.

My perception of Sydney universities is that they may talk the talk, but in the end they are all barely any different to your average trade school, taking in, churning up and spitting out ‘professionals’ left right and centre, with degrees tailored for one specialised area of work in order to take on a role in a world we barely begin to comprehend and without the tools to enlightenment (not sure I really mean to use that word but atm it’s the only one that seems to fit).

Hey look, maybe I just chose the wrong degree, but having limited resources, my first consideration was what would provide me with the best job prospects/stability in the future (rightly or wrongly so). After all, I can understand that you do want a graduate of engineering or architecture to understand what makes a building structurally sound and a medicine to know the difference between the dorsal aorta and the brachial artery, but there must be a line somewhere.

Okay, so I think that about does it for my rant of the day… you can all now breathe a great big sigh of relief *sigh*… now the only thing left is to sum up my argument, only I don’t really have an argument, so by extension I’m having issues with my summary. I suppose I’m just feeling a little disillusioned right about now. I have my ideals, perceptions and perspective and I thought uni would challenge these. So far however, no challenges just scripture preaching and my thought are left by the wayside incomplete and unexplored.  When I finish my degree I don’t just want to blindly walk out into ‘adulthood’ and be expected to take my place in societies structure which I barely understand, working towards a goal I can’t comprehend to solve problems I’m not sure even exist (or are the ones that need solving).

Now, if only I could come up with a solution…

Much love and apologies for the essay
D.