The Gap

Yesterday while I was eating lunch (well morning tea really... it was 10:30, but I had finished all of my homework for the day and was bored... and I eat when I'm bored, a habit I plan and have been planing to break for an awful long time its just that by the time I remember that I'm not supposed to eat when I'm bored - or realise that I'm eating because I'm bored - well... its already too late and the kilojoules are already happily setting up house in my digestive system.)

Anyway, the point is that I was eating and I realised that I am really quite a messy eater (okay so I already knew this but it just doesn't sound the same if I write about already knowing... the process of discovery is half the fun). I mean, I am constantly wiping excess food off my person, I always seem to end up wearing more food (storing it in case I get hungry later if anyone asks) than I eat - especially when said food is Mersey Valley cheese and crackers - not very lady like really. I have always wondered why most other people don't seem to have the same issue as I do, or at least to the same extent, is it the way I eat? My posture? Am I just a grub? I think I have finally figured it out :-D its not my fault! No honestly it isn't!!!

Take a look at this...


This is a normal person (woman). Notice how the mouth/chin protrudes out from the body further than their breasts thereby allowing their uncontrollably, crumbly, messy food to bypass their upper body and land safely in their laps where a napkin is waiting patiently to catch it (or it could just all to the floor where any 4 footed best friend will gladly clean up/eat the remains). If their chin fails then the small gap between their chest and clothing will most likely not be large enough for food to easily find and take refuge in.

Now look at this...


This is me. Notice now how the food would drop straight to the breasts and due to the larger than life gap, more likely than not down my top where I am faced with the predicament of either reaching down my top and fishing it out, or... standing up and doing a little jig to shake it out the other way... not particularly graceful is it?

So how do I solve this issue? Short of wearing my napkin like a bib and risking looking like an over sized toddler waiting for the aeroplane to come flying in to deliver the overcooked, mashed, food processed Asparagus - or some other similarly revolting goop. Anyone have any ideas? Similar issues?

D.

P.S. Do you remember how I lost my macbook charger? Well it was found... too bad I'd already parted with my hard earned dough to buy a new one. Just my luck. Ahh well there's no harm in having a spare. Silver lining and all.